Silence
by i.ship.chairphano
Summary: It was weird how he would get better when she did and she would get better when he did. They both knew that they would never be perfectly fine again. They had a chance of getting 'okay' but nothing more, the memories were too horrible and way too strong to forget. Together they managed to ignore them with the help of their good friend called alcohol. Rated M for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

**Silence**

_**This was actually planned to be an oneshot but I changed my mind because fuck it... **_

_**This fic I going to be in Haymitch POV and yes, there will **__**DEFINETLY**__** be some smut here and there. Don't know how long this story is going be though…enough said!**_

_**I hope you're going to enjoy this little Hayniss/Aberdeen fanfic.**_

Chapter one:

Haymitch sighted. It was way too early for him to get up. There was already bright daylight shining through the curtains but even after months he couldn't get used to it no matter how hard he'd tried. He would've given up trying a long time ago if it wasn't for her. But he would never say that out loud. She knew it anyway so there would be no point on telling her how he felt and thought about her.

He turned to his left where the only person left in his life was still asleep. She looked nearly peaceful when she was sleeping. Haymitch leaned in and planted a kiss on her temple before he got up.

He walked down to the kitchen. After opening a bottle of wine he sat down and stared out of the window. At some point he stood up and started preparing breakfast, not just for Katniss but for him. He realized that he didn't eat anything for the last two days when the smell of eggs and toast spread through the house.

Haymitch turned around when he heard Katniss yawing and saw her standing in the door.

"Hi…you wanna eat something?", he asked. He didn't actually expect an answer from her. Katniss hadn't said a single word since he got her out of the capitol and got back to twelve with her.

She wasn't speaking to anyone. Not Sae, not her therapist, not Peeta or her mother, who were visiting them every few months. Not Haymitch. The Mockingjay was silent in the end.

But he wouldn't blame her. They knew each other so well; he would know what she was thinking anyways.

She nodded and walked to the sink to wash some plates.

"You know…I thought maybe we should visit Effie and Peeta some time.", he looked at her to see her reaction. "I'm almost sure they miss you."

"We could also get some of that booze you like so much from the capitol.", he added quickly when he saw her confused look. Usually he wasn't a person to visit people or a person for company in general but since Katniss had practically moved in to him about 5 months ago he couldn't stand being alone for too long. She did not leave the house very often and if she did, then only to go hunting or getting more liquor for them.

He didn't complain about her drinking the way she did. It was only bothering him that his booze was running out twice as fast now. But after he had caught her trying to cut open her wrists he had decided that a drunk or hungover Katniss who would never talk to him was better than a dead Katniss.

He knew that the thought of killing herself was still crossing her mind every once in a while. He could see it by the way she would get even more silent than she was already. She wouldn't shower or eat, wouldn't get out of the bed for days. And if she did, more thin red lines on her lower arms or her tights would be added when she would get back into bed.

Her self-harm attacks worried him. He didn't stop her from drinking, didn't stop her from staying silent for nearly a year now, didn't stop her from ignoring everyone who wanted to help her but when he couldn't stand looking at her new scars anymore he'd started hiding his knives and shaving razors better.

The last time he needed to do that was about 3 months ago. She seemed calm again. Not fixed or whole but still broken though she was way calmer than in the first weeks after she'd returned to twelve with Haymitch. She still had some nightmares but not as often as back then. His nightmares got better aswell. It was weird how he would get better when she did and she would get better when he did. They both knew that they would never be perfectly fine again. They had a chance of getting _okay_ but nothing more, the memories were too horrible and way too strong to forget. Together they managed to ignore them with the help of their good old friend called booze. But that's it really.

She set the clean plates and forks on the table. Then she walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders and leaned her head against the spot between his shoulders blades. He figured that her answer to his question was positive. Though he knew that it would not be easy for both of them to return to the capitol he wanted to distract her from the depression and isolation they were living with.

After eating their breakfast Haymitch called Peeta.

Peeta was actually surprised by Haymitchs idea but he liked it. He knew that his ex-mentor was still trying to protect that girl who nearly cut off one of his finger on their first train ride to the capitol from nearly all these years ago.

They'd been talking about her for a while when she sat down on the couch next to him. After a few minutes she laid her head onto his lap and tried to sleep as Haymitch slowly ran his fingers through her hair still talking to Peeta.

"Get up, sweetheart.", he could not remember when this sarcastic nickname for her became an endearing replacement for her actual name.

Leaning against the doorframe, he looked over to her. "C'mon, you've slept for nearly three hours now…we're going to the hob.", he couldn't really tell where this need to do at least something more or less casual than drinking and sleeping came from. He was used to not doing anything for months, he's been living in a bubble of alcohol, frustration and hangovers for years so why was it bothering him now? He knew why. Because it wasn't bothering him that he lived like this, but that she did. He could still remember that young girl who managed to keep her life together even after her games, or her first ones for that matter.

She groaned when she stood up and tried to fix her messed up hair.

"Goddammit as long as your hair doesn't look like one of those crazy Effie-wigs, no one going to care about how it looks.", he said. A small smirk made its way onto her lips.

"C'mon now.", and with that he was gone. Quickly Katniss grabbed her shoes and one of Haymitchs jackets since she couldn't find her own and ran after him.

It was already getting dark when they were on their way back home. They were leaning on each other because they were already too drunk to walk straight. Haymitch talked nonsense about Effie trying to make Katniss laugh and for his credit she genuinely laughed at his jokes .

Some people threw irritated looks at them but they couldn't care less. This is not the first time they're doing that. Walking more drunk than sober the way from his house to the hob and back through the district…or what's left of it at least.

When they were almost back home, she stopped him in front of the victor's village. She pulled him down to her and kissed him. He was shocked at first because she didn't do that for a really long time and he didn't really expect her to kiss him ever again since the last time. He responded after a few seconds when he had caught up with the situation. They didn't kiss often and they have slept together only two times and even though those two times were mostly influenced by alcohol and the need to feel something again than anything else, neither of them was regretting it.

He pulled her closer to him as she deepened their kiss and for a second he allowed himself to pretend that everything was going to be perfectly fine again.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two:

He woke up with a half undressed Katniss wrapped up in his arms. Haymitch sighted in relieve like every time he does when he finds her sleeping next to him in the morning. He lived in the constant fear that one morning she would be gone.

He walked down into the kitchen only to find the suitcase that reminded him of the trip they'd planned.

"Shit!", he whispered. "Sweetheart wake up! We need to go!", he called her, still not expecting an answer from her.

After a few minutes she joined him in the kitchen, fully dressed and obviously ready to go.

"Wow…I thought you didn't want to go? Why so prepared then?", he asked her, instantly regretting it because he always tried to ask his questions in a way that made it possible for her to answer with a nod or with shaking her head.

She shrugged and walked past him, grabbing two bottles and packing them into a small bag.

Looking at the alcohol in her hands he remembered the last night. Actually it was pieces of what might have happened last night that came to his mind. They were drunk, really drunk. She'd kissed him and he'd kissed her back. They'd stumbled up to his bedroom. He'd pushed her onto the bed and ripped off her shirt. After that something must have gone wrong. She'd tried to push him off of her and when he didn't stop himself she'd slapped him. She'd cried, lying right next to him. Later when she'd thought he was asleep she'd crawled over to him. That's all he could remember.

"Listen…I uh…", he hated apologies. "I didn't mean to push you…I kind of lost it last night. I don't know what happened. I'm…", his voice cracked and he looked everywhere but her, obviously trying to avoid her gaze.

She walked over to him. She cupped his face with her hands, forcing him to look at her. She just slightly shook her head with the ghost of a smile on her lips.

He understood. He always did. This wasn't the first time that he did something like this to her. But he would never mean to do these things. He would never try to hurt her.

When he went to the bathroom to get ready, he took a glance at the clock on the wall.

"OH FUCK!", he nearly screamed in surprise. Katniss came out of the living room.

Haymitch turned around to look at her. He started laughing. Katniss looked herself up and down, supposing he was laughing at her.

"Looks like we've got another day off from Effie's voice, huh?", he laughed. Katniss tried to hide a grin but failed.

**This chapter is pretty short sorry for that... I'm on a practical training until Friday so I don't really got the time to do anything fun until then :/ **

**BUT I'm going to see Mockingjay on Saturday (YAAAY) and I'll probably write another chapter after that. Who knows? **

**Please review, critical reviews are welcome too.**


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